Don't kill yourself, you will still die!

I came across an avi on a friend's DP not long ago that carried the line above, and I practically begged for it. It amused me and got me really thinking.

The author got it right, forget stories. I mean, let's analyze it. What could you be going through that''ll make you wanna commit?

HUNGER
I know there is this chronic hunger level that resembles hell. Your meal is always flat, featuring no terrestrial or aquatic delicacies. The thing dey even hard you to swallow cos of the lack of motivation. Imagine, your wife now added salt to your injury by placing some strange cutlery (fork and knife) beside your bowl of pap and sugar, just to drive her own point home? In your mind, you think she is gonna give you heart attack. Look on the bright side my brother: cholesterol no dey for your meal *winks*, not to talk of too much of it (hypercholesterolaemia) which causes Atherosclerosis, Angina and heart attacks. Your wife, not to mention life, is trying to preserve your life. Be thankful.

MONEY
It's hard to convince you not to kill yourself if you don't have money. Go ahead, kill yourself.

But wait o, what if Uncle Jonathan had killed himself that time he had no shoes? Maybe Nigerians would've been happier, but not Jona, or his family members.

The guy go just land for hell fire gbam, devil go call am:

(Devil)

Ebele, come and see "u ar" future. This is where you promised fresh air, this is where they voted for you,

this is where you pepper rest finish, see you dey carry 2.3 bhi dey chop annually.

Goodluck go zoom in, laugh hysterically before saying "if na joke make you stop am o!". "You dey craze?, This no go fit be m......wait wait na me o, Chineke!". "See as I arrange! See shoe! See people, Chineke nna! Abeg wey that gal wey I been dey eye?".

(Devil replies)

Patience? Na she be your first lady now! I don fast-forward pass where u become deputy gov...

(Goodluck interjects)

Na Lieeeeeee! Pechie marry me? I don hammer, I don die!

(Devil smiles and whispers)

Yes you don die.

(Goodluck retorts)

Nwane, I have to go back, I will set up a committee to look into selling of rat poison on the street. I strongly condemn it. Damn it.

(Devil snaps)

Sharrap there u! You see your future now, u begin dey speak igbo? The rat poison don chop your intestine and your destiny. Fire burn you!

My wild imagination. But the truth is, he could have killed himself when the going got tough. Don't kill yourself for money; your future (fit) bright, if you do what is right, now.

MAN/WOMAN

He broke your heart? Awww! I'm so sorry. How could he do this to you? What you guys had was rare! Jeez! he really sucks.

Stuff like this happen every time and individuals react in different ways. But why will you want to kill yourself? He is definitely not the one for you? Just learn the lesson and move on. He probably will beat you up regularly after marriage, or maybe he''ll just pour correct acid on your face, Lobatan.

There are better things to do when you are momentarily tired of life, like closing your eyes and crossing the express road. Just kidding.

You can follow me @bimbolanko

Enjoy this Saturday.

Black is beautiful? Like seriously?

When you think great black leaders, your mind quickly goes to the likes of Mandela, Obama. Some minds will go to other black folks who have done wonders for themselves and for our world.  You think of them and you are quickly reassured that black is beautiful.

Then times like this come and you just resolve that black is the perfect match for evil, fear, gloom and a proper representative of depression.  You wish you are not of this race, but you painfully accept that being black is irreversible.

I mean how can a grown man salivate at the mention of a nine-year-old's name?  He wants to marry her? for what? and then what? Wahala dey!

To imagine a man secretly running this kind of thing is nauseating enough. Now the black man wants to legalise it?  Legalise child abuse? Legalise her emotional and psychological abuse? Make her a bride on a short term basis, ruin her life and then dump her for another unlucky young catch? Bursts.

She should be a #ChildNotBride.  She deserves to be educated enough to choose. To be enhanced with all real life has to offer, and not to be humped by a man who has no shame. Petitions are being signed everywhere. Please sign if you can.

Remember the black race in your prayers, if you still pray.  We are losing it, and in an ugly manner too.

Blogging? For real?

I am here at last, composing a post.  Astonishing.

I have always wanted to do this, but each time I add A to B it gives a strange answer C, which I am not comfortable with.  Well, I made up my mind today that C is good enough an answer, and here we are.

I shall start the way Facebook or, say Yahoo started: Small. I will be blogging about things u wanna read (I'll find out in no time), and, of course, about things u dont wanna read.

Don't expect too much from a starter like me, ok?  A post every two hours will do right?
I'm at your service, though my annual target for now is 12.

I gotta go now.
Cheers.