Vanity: which version?

Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher, vanity of vanities, all is vanity.

But there are varieties of vanity.

The fulfilled, Ferrari driving, empire running, mansion dwelling, fat-account owning, buffet chopping, popular and highly-placed type. This class I refer to as the sweet vanity. Some names are coming to mind, right?

There is the middle class. The average. The comfortable. The unfulfilled. The we we.

There is also the okada riding, garri soaking, fufu-filled, minimum-balance checking, landlord fighting, loan loving "vanitarians" chilling uncomfortably at the base of the food chain.

It is a reality, as much as it is a caution sign, the proclamation above. Some of us however use the quote, or rather, the wise saying too often to console ourselves. It quickly comes to mind when we couldn't achieve a feat someone just clinched. When one is defeated. Wouldn't it be funny if at the end of last EPL season an Arsenal supporter goes to a ManU fan and tells him "all na vanity"? The trophy all 20 teams coveted so much? So it is with success. All is vanity, but succeed anyway.


Don't get me wrong, but if you have settled for what you currently got, except for the few of us at the top, of course (few of 'em I mean), it is a shame. The last time I checked, the ones at the top are even the ones running harder, aspiring higher. Pulling strings so stuffs will be rosier. Wherever you currently seat in the listings, please look up, as we speak, and you'll find space. There is always space up there, out there, and the higher you go in this regard, the spacious it becomes. If however you can't find space, then you are being crushed. probably in a deep mess at the moment. You have a little digging around to do.


Till hell freezes, some golds will never be mined. Hope you are not one of them? Go all out. Be the best you can be, though all is vanity. Kill complacency, though all is vanity. Don't be too conservative, though all is vanity. Bring forth goodies. Be! Or which will you rather choose: Sweet vanity or Bitter vanity?

If you find this odd, then seriously, I'm just kidding.

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Pregnant again?

A lady may have all the excuses for getting pregnant the first time. I mean, all the scary stuffs she heard about being pregnant sounded exaggerated, she could keep up with them. What's so hard in carrying few extra pounds? These nagging pregnant women are just too lazy.

Then she misses her period. No big deal. A lot of other things happen and she suddenly changes. She is swollen all over. The way the dough rises when yeast is added. Our shapely lady becomes huge. The incessant puking and desire to eat, though contrasting, are also ever present. She becomes edgy, and her mate is quick to give her some space. She paddles this canoe all by herself. She cant even sleep on her belly like most of us do.

On and on these go until the delivery day. Scary movie!. Screaming, pouting and whining. I learned some wives even curse their husbands for putting them through this excruciating pains. Blah bla blah, and the baby is born.

This is over with. Lesson learned. This mistake will never be repeated. Not again. Then you hear she is pregnant again! How? Why? For what? Is she really so quick to forget what she went through the other time?

                                                *    *    *

Nothing good comes easy. Whatever motivates that experienced mother to get pregnant again is what pushes successful people to succeed. If our mothers left it a one-off thing, most of us wouldn't be here, you know. The baby-producing section in heaven would have been closed down since since! No excuse is tenable for failure. You can go on and on listing reasons you should call it quit. Reasons you should abort. You can cry me a river, nobody cares. All you need do is go though those harsh and hard times, squeeze hard, push through and bring forth the goodies in you.

Have a great day.

@bimbolanko

Don't kill yourself, you will still die!

I came across an avi on a friend's DP not long ago that carried the line above, and I practically begged for it. It amused me and got me really thinking.

The author got it right, forget stories. I mean, let's analyze it. What could you be going through that''ll make you wanna commit?

HUNGER
I know there is this chronic hunger level that resembles hell. Your meal is always flat, featuring no terrestrial or aquatic delicacies. The thing dey even hard you to swallow cos of the lack of motivation. Imagine, your wife now added salt to your injury by placing some strange cutlery (fork and knife) beside your bowl of pap and sugar, just to drive her own point home? In your mind, you think she is gonna give you heart attack. Look on the bright side my brother: cholesterol no dey for your meal *winks*, not to talk of too much of it (hypercholesterolaemia) which causes Atherosclerosis, Angina and heart attacks. Your wife, not to mention life, is trying to preserve your life. Be thankful.

MONEY
It's hard to convince you not to kill yourself if you don't have money. Go ahead, kill yourself.

But wait o, what if Uncle Jonathan had killed himself that time he had no shoes? Maybe Nigerians would've been happier, but not Jona, or his family members.

The guy go just land for hell fire gbam, devil go call am:

(Devil)

Ebele, come and see "u ar" future. This is where you promised fresh air, this is where they voted for you,

this is where you pepper rest finish, see you dey carry 2.3 bhi dey chop annually.

Goodluck go zoom in, laugh hysterically before saying "if na joke make you stop am o!". "You dey craze?, This no go fit be m......wait wait na me o, Chineke!". "See as I arrange! See shoe! See people, Chineke nna! Abeg wey that gal wey I been dey eye?".

(Devil replies)

Patience? Na she be your first lady now! I don fast-forward pass where u become deputy gov...

(Goodluck interjects)

Na Lieeeeeee! Pechie marry me? I don hammer, I don die!

(Devil smiles and whispers)

Yes you don die.

(Goodluck retorts)

Nwane, I have to go back, I will set up a committee to look into selling of rat poison on the street. I strongly condemn it. Damn it.

(Devil snaps)

Sharrap there u! You see your future now, u begin dey speak igbo? The rat poison don chop your intestine and your destiny. Fire burn you!

My wild imagination. But the truth is, he could have killed himself when the going got tough. Don't kill yourself for money; your future (fit) bright, if you do what is right, now.

MAN/WOMAN

He broke your heart? Awww! I'm so sorry. How could he do this to you? What you guys had was rare! Jeez! he really sucks.

Stuff like this happen every time and individuals react in different ways. But why will you want to kill yourself? He is definitely not the one for you? Just learn the lesson and move on. He probably will beat you up regularly after marriage, or maybe he''ll just pour correct acid on your face, Lobatan.

There are better things to do when you are momentarily tired of life, like closing your eyes and crossing the express road. Just kidding.

You can follow me @bimbolanko

Enjoy this Saturday.